• Do I have to register?
• Won't all you wine geeks think my posts are ridiculous?
• How do I start a new thread?  How do I respond to messages that aren't last in a thread?
• How can I use smilies and images?
• Can I add a hyperlink to my messages?
• Can I change the format of my text?
• How do I use accented characters on this thing?
• What's a moderator?
• How can I change my patient profile?
• Are cookies used?  Why?
• What are "active topics"?
• Can I edit my own posts?
• Can I attach files?
• Can I search the forum's messages?
• Can I mention my company's name or products?
• Will my name be plastered all over web search engines if I register/post?
• Can I attach my own signature to my posts?
• Is this forum censored?
• What do I do if I forget my User Name and/or Password?
• Can I be notified by e-mail if someone responds to my topic?  Can I send e-mail from the board?
• What's a "jeebus"?
• Doesn't Callahan nurture an irrational hatred for California?
• What is COPPA?
• Where can I get my own copy of the software used to build this forum?
• Can't find your answer here? Send the doghead e-mail.

Registration is not required to view current topics on Wine therapy, but registration is necessary if you would like to post a new topic or reply to an existing message.  Registration is free and relatively painless.  The only required fields are your User Name (which may be your real name or a phony name) and a valid e-mail address.  Use of phony names is discouraged in general.   If you want to use a fake name, please clear it with the doghead first. The doghead needs to be in on any jokes if he's going to guide this group therapy in a mutually rewarding way.  Unauthorized phonies will be sent to the pound.  Which is to say the doghead will lock your patient profile if you don't clear your pseudonym before using it.  Further antiterrorism steps will be taken as appropriate.

The information you provide during registration is not outsourced or used for any advertising by Wine therapy.  If you believe someone is sending you advertisements as a result of the information you provided through your registration, please notify the aforementioned doghead.

You'll find more detail along these lines on the privacy/policy-statement page in the registration section of the forum.  Remember, in this context registration is just a way of saying hello, of introducing yourself.  You can lurk without signing in, but in the end this is an odd way to socialize, isn't it?  Would you go to a dinner party (or to group therapy) and not say hello?  Not often, one suspects.

One last thing:  whatever you call yourself, keep the name reasonably short so it can fit into the space the forum tables allow and don't include your place of residence in the name field.  There are separate fields for those things.  And supply a working e-mail address, so the doghead can reach you in case of emergency and so your chosen e-mail functions don't fail, bounce, and wind up in the doghead's mailbox.

Hang on there a damned minute.  Who are you calling a wine geek?

Okay, the doghead can see you weren't looking for fisticuffs.  Look, people are people and dogheads are dogheads.  You have no reason to be afraid to talk with anyone, here or anywhere else.  Some of our patients know a lot about wine.  And that produces its own dysfunctional side effects.  Others know precious little about wine, though they may pretend otherwise.  A whole set of treatable problems comes along with that state of affairs.  But we're all here because we want to talk these things through, and wine expertise is just one potentially therapeutic component of the group's resources.  All any of us hope for is thoughtful, hate-minimized talk, about wine and other things, to help us to find footing in the slippery mess in which we always already find ourselves.  Any support you can bring, and most questions you raise and suggestions you make, are helpful and appreciated.  The very act of taking the time to share your time with us is valued.

All that generously said, we may find your posts ridiculous, unworthy, stupid, and/or boring.  But that's most likely our problem.  And you're best served to view it that way, should the need arise, until we help to bring you to a condition in which you can face and lengthen your own shortcomings.

Starting threads is easy enough.  Within any forum you can click the new-topic link and off you go.  Only the administrator can add a new forum.  If your treatment goals seem to require a whole new forum, consult with the doghead by e-mail.

Responses within topics/threads are arranged chronologically by default and the whole thread is displayed rather than - as is common on usenet and some web boards - just header links.  The advantage of this is clear messaging, easy cross-reference, and minimizing click-throughs and new-screen reloads. Longish load times for long threads is a drawback.  You may consider another to be that you cannot post a reply directly beneath the message to which you reply if that message isn't chronologically the last in the thread.  References to previous messages on this board are done by quotation rather than by physical placement.  Next to each reply is a little string of icons.  One of these icons opens a reply window with a quote of the relevant message already in its message box.  You may, of course, and should, trim down the default complete quote to suit your needs.  This way you can reply relevantly and newcomers to the topic/thread can follow it in the order in which it developed.  The reply-to-topic links outside the thread tables append replies without a quote to the end of the thread.

You've probably seen smilies used before in e-mail messages or other bulletin-board posts.  Smilies are combinations of keyboard characters used to convey an emotion, such as a smile or a frown - much the way humans use their natural languages like English and animals grunt, yip, or squeal.  This bulletin board automatically converts certain text to a graphical representation when it is inserted between brackets [].  Thank the Snitzen who did the base code for the forum; I would not have bothered.  I generally prefer writing out what I mean to say, backward old goat that I am.  All the same, some of the images are attractive enough ("dead", for example) and you'll see goats old and young using them.  Feel free to partake.  Here are the smilies currently supported by Wine therapy:

smile [:)] big smile [:D] cool [8D] blush [:I] tongue [:P] evil [}:)] wink [;)] clown [:o)] black eye [B)] eightball [8] huh [?/] steamed [:s]

frown [:(] shy [8)] shocked [:O] angry [:(!] dead [xx(] sleepy [|)] kisses [:X] approve [^] disapprove [V] question [?] uh-huh [!)] yikes [:*]

There's more on images below in the next two sections, but the main idea is that you need to link to images you store offsite.  You can't upload them to enemyvessel.com at this point.  To post an image to the board you need a complete URL pointing to the image, as described below, and the board will display the image and, if URL tags are included, make it a live link.  Most ISPs these days provide users with free web space to store images.  If yours doesn't there are free-space providers out there for this purpose.  Once you have an address for your images, you can easily link the group to them.

There are several Forum Codes you may use to change the appearance of your text.  Following is the list of codes currently available:

This really isn't a therapy issue.  This group is no different than any other internet site in this regard.  To enter accented characters, you need to access ASCII characters located off the normal English keyboard.  The easiest way to do this in Windows is to hold down the ALT key while you enter a four-digit character code, with a zero prefix and a number from 0 to 255.  Most of the international accented characters lie between 0181 and 0255.  In Windows, in your Accessories folder you'll find a character map.  Click on the character you want and check the status bar to see the character code.  You can then enter that character code directly from your keyboard or copy the character from the map to the browser window.  Best to memorize the keystrokes necessary to produce the accented characters you use often.  Don't worry about which font the map brings up.  Whatever is the default will have the same character set as what we use here.

Macintosh works in a similar way.  The issue is not what system you use but what character set is recognized on the internet.  Wine therapy works in this respect the way most web sites do.

The forum software provides for the creation of multiple moderators to control forums.  In practice, the doghead is the sole moderator for Wine therapy.  Doghead may edit or delete any posts, and shall do so in cases of violation of the board's basic guidelines or by request of the author of the post. If you have a question about a particular therapeutic regimen and the iron hoof that directs it, ask the doghead.

You may change any information stored in your patient profile by using the "profile" link located near the top of each page.  Just identify yourself by typing your User Name and Password and all of your profile information will appear on screen.  Then you may edit any information you've supplied (except your User Name).

Wine therapy uses cookies to store the following information:  the last time you logged in, your User Name, and your Password (if you set the Password-save feature in your preferences).  These cookies are stored on your hard drive.  Cookies are not used to track your movement, to gather information about you for government agencies, or to perform any function other than to enhance your Wine therapy experience.  If you have not enabled cookies in your browser, many of the forum's time-saving features will not work.  Further, you need to have cookies enabled if you want to post a new topic or a reply.  So be a good patient and eat your cookies.

You may delete all cookies set by signing in to Wine therapy by selecting the "Spring me" button at the top of any page.  Leave yourself signed in, however, if you want display information like response-screen width to remain set to your preferences.

You may edit or delete your own posts at any time.  First sign in at the top of the page.  Then go to the topic where the post to be edited or deleted is located and you will see an edit or delete icon () on the line that begins "posted on".  Click on this icon to edit or to delete the post.  No one else can edit your post, except for the forum moderator or the bulletin-board administrator, who happens to be the very same doghead.   A note is generated at the bottom of each edited post displaying when and by whom the post was edited.

For security reasons, you may not attach files to any posts.  However, you may cut and paste text into your post and make links, as discussed above.

You may search for specific posts based on a word or words found in the posts, User Name, date, and forum(s).  Just click on the "search" link at the top of Wine therapy pages and do what comes naturally. 

Wine therapy censors certain words for no good reason.  Just because it can, really.  The feature is built into the software, but the functionality has been altered a bit to accomodate our irrational whims.  This feature may or may not be in effect at any given time.  Implementation shall be capricious.  Words that are censored are replaced with CENSORED.  If you see this in one of your posts, don't go nuts.  Mellow out.  Move on.  It's all for the best or it isn't but blind rage won't solve anything.  But try not to be unduly vulgar in any case.  The doghead personally (dogheads are people too) is fairly vulgar, but others may have more sensitive eyes.  Of course, our censor isn't likely to filter vulgarities.

As for censoring for content, see the policy page, under the "Register" link at the top of the page.  If you've digested that, you understand the board policy on post alteration and removal.

Retrieving your User Name and Password is easy.  All of the pages that require you to identify yourself with your User Name and Password carry a "Forgot your Password" link you can use to have your User Name and Password mailed instantly to your e-mail address on record.

When you create a new topic, you have the option of receiving an e-mail notification every time someone posts a reply to your topic. If you wish to use this feature, check the e-mail-notification box on the "New topic" page when you create your new topic.

Wine therapy has various e-mail links (send to friend/enemy, links in profiles) that allow participants to send e-mail directly from the board.  Just follow the instructions in the pop-up windows.  If you receive e-mail from the board, for antispam reasons the sender's address will always be the doghead's, but the reply-to address will be the actual sender's.  Check to be sure you reply to the right person, just in case your e-mail client is a cranky one.  All board e-mail contains in the body of the message the e-mail address of the actual sender, which is the address you should copy, if necessary, to your e-mail client's reply-to line and use for your direct replies.

Note that you can't use either HTML or the board's safe code in board e-mail.  It only sends text, no code.

Sadly, a lot of the jug wine coming out of these regions is selling for $100 a bottle.  Or $30 a bottle.  Or some preposterous price.  And wine writers with more marketing savvy than sense praise them as though they somehow merit those prices.  In this context, admitting that some Napa star's wine tastes like a $4 bottle of Chilean red given a fancy new-wood maturation with some concentration techniques applied freely sounds like the Pope renouncing Jesus.  But the doghead can't help the wretched state of wine criticism except by countering it.  The doghead has no animus against California or any other place (except perhaps for Ohio and Michigan and maybe Houston, Texas and Orlando, Florida, but who's counting?).  Doghead likes and enjoys the relative handful of really interesting California wines in the market, and tolerates a slightly larger set of unpretentious, well-priced items that don't suck.